Allow me to clear the fog. I am forced to read the autobiography of a writer on world religions, Karen Armstrong: The Spiral Staircase. I haven't yet read her works, except a page or two. Because it is 'an exceptionally impressive autobiography' (Daily Telegraph), it to an extent tends to erode my originality of being a Hanif, follower of Sayyidina Ibrahim, and since i am not left untouched by the power of writing and gifted memory she has, I also tend to imitate her in the way I express myself, even to my own self. This is what I detest.
***Karen left her family and college at 17 for convent just 'to find God', and then led a very austere, soul-crushing, self-negating, and, as she calls, 'unhygienic' life as a nun for 7 long years at her own will. Failing to find God for a single moment, she left convent and 'returned to secular life'. Later she finds 'transcendence' and 'ecstasy' in comparative study of world religions and discovered the Golden Rule common to all religions: Compassion. I yet have to read those chapters... Nonetheless, I have made a long story short for you.
I was thoroughly impressed by the first part of her life, i.e., the intent of Catholics behind their illegal activities (according to Islam, such monasticism is prohibited). Every single moment and movement, of mind and body, at convent was directed towards God, to attain His presence, and 'to soar like an eagle', as Bible promised. Here they confronted their nafs boldly, directly and brutally, and missed no opportunity to subdue it to God.
But what went wrong with her. Why no one at convent could experience God, the single aim of the experiment, as Karen says? This is the rediscovery. This amplified my own belief in Islam. What ever the Order of Christianity promised to the seeker failed. It is important to note here that this particular Order/System Karen belonged to took Prophet Jesus as son of God (nauzbillah). She failed to find happiness and peace, Allah because Allah has closed all doors to Him, except Islam!
Beautiful part of the ongoing reading is unexpectedness: My certitude in Islam increased by a story of nun who turned secular!